Steven Kenneth Pfeiffer

Steven kenneth Pfeiffer, December 30th, 2007, 39 years old. Skilled Electrician. Chandler, Arizona. survived by mother, father, sister, neice, nephew, aunts, uncles , cousins, best friends and friends as well as long time girlfriend.

Death by suicide:
In no way, does Steve's suicide, take away, the fact of, who he was, as a man, a son, a brother, a cousin, an uncle, a boyfriend, a friend an individual, a human being . Steve was a person with a heart of gold. He had feelings. some feelings he hid underneath a strong demeaner that very few people knew. Steve was a man with hurts that he hid and tried to control on his own.
Most important, is the fact, that he was so important, in the lives, of so many people. His family, parents, sister, niece and nephew. cousins, his girlfriend and friends. His peers, coworkers, employees and his clients.
Steve helped, my daughter survive a time in her life, so important for her growth as a teenager. A time when a man in my life, her stepdad, walked out and abandonded her. He taught her, how to stand up for her self, how to believe in herself, how to express herself. He had given her back her life.
He and her were so much alike. I believe they knew that in their own minds. He expressed, how, even though she was so young, she was more intune with her feelings and strengths than most adults. He told her, how she was the best employee he ever had working for him, and she was better at doing electrical, than most of his employees, who was more qualified. She listened to him and he listened to her. Steve nicknamed her "Hailey Monster."
What a shame she was unable to help Steve in his time of need as he had helped her. He didn't let her know how much he needed a friend like her in his life.
Steve played with his neice and nephew often. They would look forward to Uncle Stevie, coming around and playing with them. He had a nickname for everyone. "RileyBones." His name for his neice. How he adored her and her him. I often watched him play and I knew he would have made a super father. How I wish he could have had that chance.
His heart, was that, of a child. All children adored Steve. His friends kids also enjoyed time spent with Steve at play.
Steve's life was filled with family, friends, joy, humor, and fun. He had many true friends. We all cried tears of sadness at the memorial.
Steve was a serious man. We all trusted in him and believed in him. He needed to know the why of everything, This was the analytical part of him. This is also why Steve was the greatest electrician in the world. He perfected his skills and built a business which could have succeeded if he had not gone too soon from our lives.
I often joked with him on his obsession with sunglasses and watches. We continuously shopped for both and he always got the best. I bought him a special pair of sunglasses which he cherished till his life ended so tragically.
Steve found, he loved to have breakfast on Sunday mornings with his parents or myself. Steve and I would go out, to drink a cup of coffee, often times at Starbucks.
I had always thouht I was the luckiest woman in the world to spend my days and nights with Steve. I was so excited the night he called and asked me out. I jumped to the ceiling, I was told.
I always was so excited to hear his voice when he called to say hi. I could.t wait to get home to tell him about ny day and listen to his. I always offered to help him on his jobs when he needed a hand.
We had tried most little hideaway places to eat a Sunday breakfast. Steve and I both enjoyed the dinner salads and wings at Native New Yorker. We also had our favorite Italian Restaurant, right down the street, we frequently visited.
Steve enjoyed spending time with many of his friends. He would golf, or play ball or meet for a beer somewhere. I know they each one are hurting in a way undescibable to many. I sat next to Graham as he cried. I listened to Chuck as he quieted my tears and told me just how much Steve had loved me and what my love meant to him. I hear Tom ask he many questions, yet to receive an answer to how and why. I heard John's voice tremble as he spoke holding back his tears. Snyder Dog, he came to say goodbye and came to help in a time of need. Steve always said, Snyder was a man of his word and a friend that he could count on no matter what.
I didn't realize the day Steve said "My froends are your friends too as well as my family" I looked him in his eyes and said "Yea Right, Whatever." I didn't know.
Steve spoke with honesty. He was honestr and he expected honesty back. He never once lied to me. Steve and I started our lives together with being freinds. He was my best friend for quite awhile before our friendship turned to love.
I trusted Steve more than I had ever trusted anyone. He led his life with great morals, he tried hard to abide by the Bible and constantly worked on his weaknesses.
Steve always spoke his beliefs, even if it hurt someones feelings, he was brutally honest at times. He was an ethical person, although he was unable to be on time for anything, even though, he had plenty of watches, which told the time.
Steve was a charming man, intelligent, loving, sincere, a big flirt, always getting what he wanted. An expert at conversation, as well as, the most analytical individual I have ever known.
I have been most fortunate, as well as all, who have had the opportunity to have Steve, in our lives for anytime at all. I cherish every moment, I was allowed to have him in my life.
I remember the day I started liking him, more than just a friend. He was leaving work early, I was giving him a hard time about it, he looked into my eyes, as I looked into his. Then he said something, that totally took me off guard. I was at a loss for words. But that day, I will remember for a lifetime. What he said, I will always think of him. when I am in, that situation. I miss him more than anything I have ever missed. I wish, I would have been, more intuned with, how he was feeling. I wish, I would have payed more attention, to what his eyes and tears, were saying to me. I wish, I would have done, what I felt in my heart.
Instead, I was expressing feelings toward him that he would have expressed to me, if circumstances were turned.
I should have encouraged him, I should have listened to his cries,instead of walking away, not to see. I should have known his pain was too much, too painful for a man with his talents and heart, to handle alone.
My life without him, alone, is nothing compared to my life with Steve. The loss of my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my soulmate is devastating at times. I lived his pain with him and now I live my pain of his death that should never had happened.
I ignored his cries for help, I ignored his his eyes of pain and signs of suicide. I, the closest person to him, the person who loved him enough to spend the rest of my life with him, should have been more understanding, should have fought more, to get him the help, he so desperately, was seeking.
How wrong I was. How niave and stupid that my education, training and brain was unaware of what he was about to do.
How I hope and pray, he forgives me, for not understanding, not knowing how to deal with his pain. Not helping him through his roughest time ever in his life.
I pray he is at peace. I pray he finds it in his heart, to forgive me for my selfeshiness.
I need him in my life, more than I have ever needed anyone person.
I would have given up everything here, to move away, as we often talked about, if, he would have just asked me.
I miss him terribly. How I wish, I had just one more chance to show him, and tell him, just how important, and what he means to me, in my life.
I cherish every moment I spent with Steve. I have lost my soulmate to suicide. A heartache unlike any other. A tragedy, never over, never ceasing, never ending.
Questions left unanswered, giving no true closure to what never, should have, happened. I myself, will never ever get that chance to tell Steve my feelings, my prayers, my wishes, my thoughts.
As Steve woke up one morning, and without a word or sigh, walked out our front door, never to return. Steve decided to end his own life, without asking what we thought or wanted for him. Ending his pain, his demons, which were controlling his mind.
He drove way out to the mountains, where there was not one of us, us who loved him, could help him. Far away from us all, who loved him and needed him, so much.
I pray that, no other individual has to feel the heartache and pain I feel, or his family feels, as well as, his friends and those who have known him.
I pray that, if a person feels, someone is about to commit suicide, they step up and challenge that individual to life, ensuring, no one feels the heartache, the loss, the abandonment and the despair as I do.
I am not about to let Steves death go unheard, because, there are many individuals experiencing his pain and agony. I intend to save whomever I can through my words and my actions.
There is always hope. I believe. I wish I would have been stronger for Steve, then maybe, He would still be here and alive with vibrancy and individualism as I, his family and friends knew him.
If there was ever a person to succeed, it was Steve. His life is now wasted by a fatal gunshot: One that could have been prevented, if I would have, just stepped up, and demanded, he get help to overcome his terrors.
His cries for help unheard. Why? We all saw his signs, looked into his eyes, listened to his cries, his stories.
Why does someone, so intelligent, so meaningful, so important to many people, have to be gone from our lives forever?
Our lives are, forever heartbroken and changed and now challenged, as we tend to somehow keep living our life. We are in turmoil and guilt, disbelief, anguish, robotic state of sort. Sometimes not knowing how we got throught the day, but, we did. Only to do it again the next. We have many unanswered questions, which will always be.
I am positive, Steve wants nothing more, than all who loved him dearly, to be okay and not hurt.
I am sure with all my heart that moment he seized was also a moment of doubt.
The circumstances, now beyond his control, all too late because he didn't realize, just how important, he was to us all.
He would not want us to feel this hurt, despair, and tragedy, I know.
Why? Because I lived with Steve, I knew him to act tough on the outside, But really, he was as gentle as a bear. Through all his pain and agony. Steve had fears like any other. Steve was Strong.
Never in a million years would I have guessed, he would end his life, so tragically. I sat up countless nights, listening to his stories, beliefs, dreams, hopes for the future, plans, successes, failures, fears, and hurts. I would have sat up many, many more, if he would have asked me to. instead of leaving me here alone, now learning how to deal with the loss of my greatest love ever in my lifetime.
I would change anything in his world, to have him, here with me, next to me, now, believing in me ,as I, believed in him.
Nothing in this world prepared me, for what happened, the day Steve took, his love and his life away forever.
I was unable to understand why God would not listen to my prayers , as I prayed for God to keep Steve safe.
Please, I pray with all I have to pray with, God, do not inflict this suffering on others. Stop suicides from happening, please I pray to you. One moment more, can make a difference, I am sure. God I understand we go through trials and sufferings and I know none of ours is anywhere near your sufferg for us all. But God please hear my prayer because I know this pain and I don't want another to have to go through this.
Steve was and is still so special in the lives of many. I know his death is not in vain. I am sure his story will help another.

Psalms was Steve's favorite verse in the Bible.

The Lord is my sheperd: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of rightousness for his names sake. Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodnesss and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.

Steve you are now just one of my ten thousand angels God has watching over me. I honor your memory today and always.

Steve meant the world to me. His death has affected personally, emotionally, and physically, more than any death I have been associated with. Steve asked me to marry him a week before he committed suicide. I looked forward to becoming Mrs. Steven kenneth Pfeiffer and spending all eternity by his side. Steve was honest, perfect (in my eyes), loyal, well organized, the first to lend a hand to someone in need, The first to help a friend. The best Electrician in the world, The strongest person I knew, The most analytical person I have ever met, The most intelligent person I have ever met, a great uncle, Steve loved children. Steve was very blunt with his words at times, saying it just the way he saw it. He had a nickname for everyone, Steve was my partner, my best friend and confidant and I loved him extremely with all my heart. I as well as his family and friends are heartbroken over his decision to die. Steve had thought that he wasn't good enough, he had lost his self confidence and his pride was hurting. He had said "he felt like a dissapointment" He was not a disapointment. He as well, had been the most confident person I knew. I was proud of him, I was proud to walk along beside him, hold his hand, make love to him. I was proud that I was the lucky girl he chose to spend his time with. I looked forward to calling him everyday on breaks at work. I looked forward to him calling me. I enjoyed working with him side by side on his jobs. I was on top of the world sitting beside him in his truck. All he had to do was ask for our help, We all would have given him what he needed to survive and get better. Steve made me laugh, he was always saying something that would make me shake my head and smile. He taught me how to stand on my own two feet with his analytical talking. Steve always strived to know everything about whatever he was interested in. He always strived to do his best at everything he did. He always said "I need a strong girlfriend and if you are to be my wife you must b e strong." I always tried my best to be strong for him, maybe thats where I went wrong. Steve believed in Jesus Christ and God, he is in Heaven now working with God. I guess, God needed him more than we did. I don't like it and I really don't believe it, because I need him here now with me. I have to believe God knows just what he needs and Steve is perfect for what God has planned for him. Steve had doubts, but I believe he was just the way God intended him to be, as well as, just as I believed in him. He encouraged me to be my best, go back to school, and have fun doing whatever I decide. He was taken from this world way too soon because of one fatal decision with a gun. A moment I am sure he did not intend or did he? I miss him every single day, He is the first thought in my head upon waking and the last thought I have before I fall asleep. I try and I try to not let him occupy my mind. In realty, I love the memories I have of him up until that day of no return. Although he is at peace, just above the heavens. I struggle daily with his death. My tears fall easily at his memory just as easily as I smile at his memories. I love the memories that he has given me and I hate the fact that one of those memories is his death way too soon. Our hearts are forever entwined. I see him in others, I feel his presence, I talk to him and I believe he answers me back. I Laugh at him, thinking back to how he always looked at watches and sunglasses at every store we entered. He loved his watches and he loved his sunglasses. I get really angry knowing that his sunglasses, I bought for his birthday was stolen from him. Steve had so much love for others and was always the first to lend a hand to someone in need. Sad that, he didn't let us lend him our hand when he was in need. The wind blows and I am sure it is his spirit letting me know he is protecting me. I walk the trail at Butcher Jones and feel his presence all around telling me he still loves me. I will love him everyday and cherish our memories for the rest of my life. Survival from minds is a hard part of our lives and I now know just how Steve felt because my mind is terrible with him gone. For all who knew Steve please pray for him, his family and his friends to endure the strength, the courage and the days ahead. I saw Steve come to me and ask my forgiveness on New Years Eve. The night after his death. The tree limb, just one gently waved goodbye as I told him I forgave him. The falling star fell down from nowhere right in front of my eyes and to the ground just behind the tree. I know it was him. I talked to him and he talked to me. That gentle breeze in the air when there was none. I now know the breezes I feel are Steve, letting me know, he's still around. Just at peace now. Thank God for his peace. I didn't know then why he would say "I love you enough to be here tomorrow" I now know that was his cry for help and I sadly missed it. I LOVE YOU MORE BABY, I'am still here where are you in the heavens above, I am sure. I still love you more. I use to get angry because he didn't seem to be trying to get better or get a job or try to get his business going. If I had just one more chance, I wouldn't care. I would rather him be here and alive than in the heavens above.

Steve taaught me alot, He challenged me to success through my talents in caring for individuals, as well as building our life together through commitment and believing in the two of us could succeed and do anything we set our minds to do.

Through my relationship with Steve,

I've learned it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you se
e them.
I've learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad
your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, ifyou are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writinbs, as well as talking
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all
that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. Through our relationship I believe Steve also learned what Love really is.

Jodie gave Steve a special verse, I think he likes it. Its true we all believe it.

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord
make his face shine upon you, And be gracious
to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26